Conversations

Angel: Well, I guess I kind of worked it out. If there's no great glorious 
end to all this, if nothing we do matters... then all that matters is what we
 do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do. Now. Today. I fought for so long, 
 for redemption, for a reward, and finally just to beat the other guy, but I 
 never got it. 
Kate: And now you do? 
Angel: Not all of it. All I want to do is help. I wanna help 
because people shouldn't suffer as they do. Because, if there isn't any bigger 
meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world. 
Kate: Yikes. It sounds like you had an epiphany. 
Angel:  I keep saying that. No one listens.

Angel: Let's just say I'm a friend
Buffy: Who said I needed a friend?
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.

Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. 
And I'm kinda nervous 
about it, actually. It's interesting.
Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.
Oz: Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you 
wanna go out 
with me tomorrow night?
Willow: Oh! I can't!
Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.

Cordelia: Oh Willow I like your outfit.
Willow: No you don't.
Cordelia: You're right but I need a favor.

Buffy: Fine. Keep going, I cut you a break. 
Spike: Oh, yeah. Okay, let me guess... you won't kill me?
 Wooo... the whole crowd-pleasing threats-and-swagger routine. How stunningly
  original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I really 
  hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in life besides shagging 
  Captain Cardboard and I never really liked you anyway and ... and you have 
  stupid hair. 

Wesley:I didn't get this job because of my looks.
Buffy: I really, really believe that.

[Buffy is pretending to be the Buffybot] 
Buffy: Why did you let that Glory hurt you? 
Spike: She wanted to know who the key was. 
Buffy: Oh, well, I can tell her, and then you'll... 
Spike: No. You can't ever. Glory never finds out. 
Buffy: Why? 
Spike: 'Cause Buffy... the other, not so pleasant Buffy... 
anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in 
that much pain. Let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.

Cordelia: Look, um, I didn't get a chance to say anything yesterday, with the
coronation and everything, but, um, I guess I just want to say thank you. All of
you.
Xander: That's funny, 'cause she looks like Cordelia.

Riley: So what have you got going on for tonight?
Buffy: Oh, patrolling.
Riley: Patrolling?
Buffy: Uh, petroleum.
Riley: Petroleum?
Buffy: Uh huh.
Riley: Tonight you have crude oil.
Buffy: And homework. What about you?
Riley: Oh, you know, grading papers.
Buffy: Ah, that'll be fun.
Riley: Not petroleum fun, but it passes the time.

Tara: Five by five? Five what by five what?
Willow: See, that's the thing. No one knows.

Anya: Oh, buck up, you. You kill the best. Go you. Kill, kill.
Buffy: Actually not needing validation right now, but thank you.

Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia? 
Willow: Maybe because they met her?

Cheese man: I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.
Giles: Honestly, you meet the most appalling sort of people.

Xander: Dinner is served. And my very own recipe.
Willow: Ooh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says 'popcorn'?
Xander: Actually, I pushed 'defrost', but Joyce was there in the clinch.

[season 4 finale, Tara foreshadows the coming of Buffy's sister, Dawn.]
Buffy: I think I need to find the others.
Tara: Be back before dawn.

[season 4 finale, symbolizing Joyce's upcoming disease]
Buffy: Mom?
Joyce: Oh, hi honey.
Buffy: Why are you living in the walls? It looks dirty.
Joyce: Well, it seems that way to you. I made some lemonade, and I'm learning
 how to play Mah-Jongg.
Buffy: I think they might be in danger.
Joyce: I'm sorry dear, a mouse is playing with my knees.

Loudspeaker: The demons have escaped. Please run for your lives.
Adam:This could be trouble.
Riley: We'd better make a fort.
Adam: I'll get some pillows.

Girl: Have you heard? They call him "William the Bloody" because of his
        bloody awful poetry.
Guy: It suits him. I'd rather have a railroad spike through my head than
listen to that awful stuff!

Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Oz: We attack the Mayor with humus.
Cordelia: I stand corrected.
Oz: Just keeping things in perspective.
Cordelia: Thank you.

Buffy: Dawn, if there's any plates in your room, let's have them before
        they get furry and we have to name them.
Dawn: Hey, I was like five then.

Xander: Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're looking for, we're 
facing the apocalypse.
Spike (cheering up): Really? You're not just saying that?

Buffy: Where did you send him?
Anya: The Land of the Trolls. He'll like it there. Full of trolls.
Willow: It's hard to be precise, though. Alternate universes don't stay
        put. Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like,
        like, trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is
        a weird image. And you should all forget it.
Anya: It's possible that he's in the Land of Perpetual Wednesday, or the 
        Crazy Melty Land, or, you know, the World Without Shrimp.
Tara: There's a world without shrimp? I'm allergic.
Willow: Uh, he's probably in Troll Land.

Angel: I'm not perfect Faith. Even with a soul I've done things I've 
wished a thousands times I could take back. 
Angelus: Yeah, like those Manilow concerts!

Angel: Faith, listen to me. You saw me drink. It doesn't get much lower than 
that. And I thought I could make up for it by disappearing. 
Faith: I did... my time... 
Angel: Our time is never up Faith. We pay for everything. 
Faith: It hurts... 
Angel: I know. I know.

Wesley: A lot has happened, not just Angelus. I've been... I've changed. 
I've seen a darkness in myself I'm not sure you would even begin to understand. 
Willow: I flayed a guy alive and tried to destroy the world.

Forrest: Check her out. Is she hot, or is she hot?
Riley: She's Buffy.
Forrest: Buffy. I like that. (Dramatically) The girl's so hot, she's Buffy.
Riley: That's her name, Forrest.

Angel: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I've just been so out of it lately. 
Because of her. I saw her, here in town. Last night.
Cordelia: Oh no, not again. Look I like Buffy as much as the next--
Angel: Not Buffy, Darla.
Angel: I saw her. I'm not crazy.
Wesley: Where?
Angel: Right between the clowns and the big talkin' hot dog.

Cordelia: It's disciples are human; they're killing each other. I think 
the fight is over how to worship it.
Angel: This is why personally I rarely go to church.
(No response)
Angel: I thought it was funny.

Lindsey: He betrayed you.
Darla: Everyone betrays you, that's not what eats at you in the long
 winter's night.
Lindsey: Yeah? What does?
Darla: Missed opportunities. He got a soul and it sickened me. All 
that power wasted on a whiny, mopey do-gooder. God, I could eat his eyeballs.

Angel: So, you're what Wolfram and Hart brought back in that box. And 
they brought you back human. They think I won't kill one. You want to know 
what I think? I think, they don't know me that well.

Doyle: It's not all about fighting and gadgets and such. It's about 
reaching out to people. Showing them that there's love and hope still 
left in this world.
Homeless Woman: Got any spare change?
Doyle: Get a job you lazy sow.

Stacey: You know what? I don't think you're gonna pull that trigger.
(PUNCH)
Angel: Good call.

Manager: You are a beautiful, beautiful man.
Angel: Thanks.
Manager: You're an actor.
Angel: No.
Manager: That wasn't a question. I'm Oliver. Ask anyone about Oliver. 
They'll tell you I'm a fierce animal. I'm your manager as soon as you call.
Angel: I'm not an actor.
Manager: Funny. I like the humor. I like the whole thing. Call me. This 
isn't a come on. I'm in a very serious relationship with a landscape architect.

Cordelia: Oh god. I'm sorry. I'm getting all weepy in front of you. I 
probably look really scary. I finally get invited to a nice place with... 
no mirrors... and .... lots of curtains.... Hey, you're a vampire! 
Russell: What? No I'm not.
Cordelia: Are too.
Russell: I don't know what you're talking about.
Cordelia: I'm from Sunnydale. We have our own Hellmouth! I think I know a vampire 
when I ... am... alone with him in his fortress like home, and you know I 
think I'm just feeling a little light-headed from hunger. I'm just wacky! 
And kidding! 

Cordelia: You don't know who he is, do you? Oh boy, you're about to get 
your ass kicked!

Doyle: You know, maybe we should go over this thing again of you 
getting out in the world and involving yourself with people. It's Friday 
night! It's the most social night of the week! I mean a couple of lookers 
like us should be out there enjoying the night life, instead you're sitting 
here moping around in the dark like some kind of a . . .
Angel: Vampire?
Doyle: Well, yeah, I was gonna say slacker, but yeah, to you Mr. Obvious.... 

Cordelia: It's a parasite, moves from body to body, and when it starts 
to move from one to the next, not gonna gag here, but the first one goes 
gerpluey pretty fast.
Doyle: Yup, curdles like cream on a hot day.
Cordelia: Uh, I believe I covered that with nondairy gerpluey.

Angel: Oz. 
Oz: Angel.
Angel: Nice surprise.
Oz: Thanks.
Angel: Staying long?
Oz: Few days.
Doyle: They always like this?
Oz: No, we're usually laconic.

Doyle: Okay, you have it your way, but I'm still going to celebrate with a 
drink down at the pub. 
Cordelia: He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down at the pub.

Spike: Cordelia. You look smashing. You lose weight?
Cordelia: Yes! You know, there's this great gym on... hey! 

Marcus: His skin.
Spike: Annoying isn't it? Still attached.
Marcus: Over 200 years of living and so little external damage. What about 
internal? 
Spike: Do you two need to be alone? Or can we get on with the ouchie part?
Marcus: He's known love.
Spike: Yeah, with a Slayer no less. How's that for perversion?
Marcus: And he has a soul.
Spike: Right. Vampire with a soul. Cursey cursed to walk the earth, trying 
to do good. That's not going to be a problem is it? 
Marcus: On the contrary, creatures with souls have something to lose.
Spike: Souls, fingers, toes -- let's get chopping shall we? I want my damn ring.

Spike: Oooo, the Mick's got spine. Maybe I'll snap it in two. 

Cordelia: You know what? I get it. You're a ghost. You're dead! Big 
accomplishment! Move on! You see a light anywhere? Go towards it!

Cordelia: Whoo! Cold wind! Scary. What're you gonna do? Chap me to death? 

Cordelia: I'm not a sniveling, whining little cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl 
in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one!

Cordelia: Back off Polygrip!! You think you're bad? All mean and haunty? 
Picking on poor pathetic Cordy. Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly translucent 
ass outta this place, cuz lady.... the Bitch is back.

Maude Pierson: Do you think I'm going to take that from trash like you?
Cordelia: I'll tell you what I think. I think you're going to pack your 
little ghost bags and get the hell out of MY HOUSE!!!

Angel: What?
Cordelia: Nothing! I just find it endlessly fascinating how your instincts 
are so highly attuned when it comes to boring old evil, but you have yet to 
make any mention of these new shoes.
Angel: Look, Cordelia. Women's shoes. . . men. . . they just don't. . . 
Doyle: Great shoes! New?

Doyle: I'll finally be free to go out and make me own mark in the world.
Cordelia: We had a cat that used to do that.

Buffy: Do you have any idea what it was like for me to see you with her? That 
you went behind my back...
Angel: Buffy, this wasn't about you. This was about saving somebody's soul. 
That's what I do here, and you're not a part of it. That was your idea, 
remember? We stay away from each other.
Buffy: I came here because you were in danger.
Angel: I'm in danger every day. You came here because of Faith. You were 
looking for vengeance.
Buffy: I have a right to it.
Angel: Not in my city.
Buffy: I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I 
had. It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him.
Angel: That's great. It's nice you moved on. I can't. You found someone new. 
I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside. And the 
person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down 
here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.

Wesley: Perhaps she's strong enough to make it. Peace is not an easy thing 
to find.
Angel: She has a chance.

Angel: I had to sing Barry Manilow.
Faith: You're kidding.
Angel: In front of people.
Faith: And here I am talking about my petty little problems.
Angel: Just wanted to give you a little perspective.
Faith: Copacobana?
Angel: Mandy. I don't want to dwell on it.
Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path.

Gunn: I've got a plan. 
Wesley: Thank God. What is it? 
Gunn: We die horribly and painfully, you go to Hell and I go to Heaven 
and spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus. 	

Angel: I was just thinking about things. People. You know. How they relate. 
Take you and me for instance. We're very different. Very different. Obviously. 
Human? vampire. Woman? man...pire.

(applying a bandage to Angel) 
Cordy: I can't get this bandage to ... stop moving! 
Angel: I'm not. 
Cordy: Well then, stop breathing. 
Angel: I don't breathe. 
Cordy: Then stop flexing your manly boob muscles, or whatever.

Buffy: So then, Kathy's like, "It's share time," and I'm like, "Oh, yeah? 
share this!" (mimes punches)
Oz: So either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. but she deserved it, don't you think?
Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.
Buffy: Oh, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box, and 
blown away by an imaginary wind, and...
Oz: Forced to wear a binding unitard?
Buffy: Yeah, the itchy kind. It's perfect.
Oz: Just here to help.

Anya: Crap! Look at this. Now I'm burdened with a husband, several tiny pink 
children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage.
Xander: That means you're winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes, cash equals good.
Anya: Ooh, I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?

Andrew Wells: Hi everybody. I missed you guys a lot. Sorry it took so long to
get back from our mission-mission, but we had to wait out the sun. Well, I think
our mission went very well. We, uh, we rode on Spike's hog, which was very cool,
and, uh, played some amusing games, and - oh. We got some new information. You
know what? I really need to urinate.
Spike: He's a breath of fresh air, isn't he? Thank God I don't breathe. 

Buffy: All right, what do you want?
Spike: I told you. I want to help you stop Angelus. I... I want to save the world.
Buffy: Okay... and you do remember you're a vampire right?
Spike: We like to talk big, vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." It's
just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood.
The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United,
and you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with
legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a
real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly.
Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?

Dawn: You wanna know what I'm scared of, Spike? Me. Right now, Glory thinks
Tara's the Key. But I'm the Key, Spike. I am. And anything that happens to
Tara... is 'cause of me. Your bruises, your limp... that's all me, too. I'm like
a lightning rod for pain, and hurt... and everyone around me suffers and dies. I
must be something so horrible to cause so much pain and evil.
Spike: Rot.
Dawn: What do you know?
Spike: I'm a vampire. I know something about evil. You're not evil.
Dawn: Maybe I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good.
Spike: Well, I'm not good, and I'm okay. 

[Buffy has learned that Giles has robbed her of her powers for a Council test]
Giles: You have to listen to me. Because I've told you this, the test is
invalidated. You will be safe now, I promise you. Now, whatever I have to do to
deal with Kralik... and to win back your trust...
Buffy: You stuck a needle in me. You poisoned me.
Cordelia: [just walks in] What's going on? Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have
to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not
gonna bother.
Giles: You can't walk home alone, Buffy. It isn't safe.
Buffy: I don't know you.
Cordelia: Did something take her memory? He's Giles. Giiillles. He hangs out here a lot.
Buffy: Cordelia, could you please drive me home?
Cordelia: Of course. But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note. 

Spike: She's evil, you gormless tit!
Cordelia: Excuse me? Who bit whom?
Angel: Did you call me a tit?
Cordelia: I thought he had a soul.
Spike: I thought she didn't.
Cordelia: I do.
Spike: So do I.
Cordelia: Well, clearly mine's better.

Buffy: How did you do it? How'd you get your soul back?
Spike: Saw a man about a girl. I went to seek a legend out.
Traveled to the other side of the world, made a deal with a
demon.
Buffy: Just like that?
Spike: No, not just like that. There was a price. There were
trials, torture, pain and suffering... of sorts.

Willow: I wish Buffy was here.
Buffy: I'm here.
Willow: I wish for a million dollars. Just checking.